Ah yes, conventions are back and I. Am. Obsessed. I haven’t been this long without a convention since I started attending them six years ago. At the end of the convention, as I stripped off the wig and released my messy waves, scrubbed every speck of paint from my smothered face, and put on the shorts and tank top that are my uniform of summer, I had a thought.
At that convention, in my insane getups that make my own mother question my identity, I had felt the most authentically myself that I had in a while. Which, to those whose hobbies don’t involve some form of roleplay (theater, some types of video creation, some forms of writing, etc.), might sound….weird. I’m wearing clothes that I would never choose and so caked in makeup that my mask is stuck to my face (not kidding, that fake blood is sticky). So, why would I feel MORE like myself when, by all appearances, I’m trying to not be myself?
Even when I'm not being me, I'm still pretty cute
Feeling more like oneself in costume is a very common sentiment in the cosplay community, and cosplayers have a variety of reasons for having it. Some feel insecure in daily life, and dressing up allows them to step away from those insecurities. Some appreciate that it serves as an instant icebreaker, a big sign reading “I like this thing, talk to me about this thing.” With that instant topic of conversation, many shy people find that they can make friends more easily in cosplay.
I’m most definitely not shy, and I’m not one prone to insecurity very often, so why do I feel authentic even through the costume? Part of it is knowing that no matter how much I alter my appearance, my posture, or my voice, it’s still me under it all. At a moment’s notice I can snap back to Kim and still be distinct. I can be dressed as a high-school age character and still be responsible, I can be dressed as a man and still be girly, and I can be dressed as a monster and still be bubbly and friendly. I also like messing with the dissonance between my appearance and my actions. It’s funny, and the real, authentic Kim loves to make people laugh.
Another aspect of feeling in my element at con is that cons are a place where my personality strengths are very advantageous. I’m good at keeping schedules straight. When you are trying to go between two panels, an autograph signing, and a concert while keeping track of check-ins for your 3 friends, scheduling is an extremely valuable skill. I love the noise, the colors, the unique stories that make up the convention experience. A lot of people my age struggle simply to find an environment in which to share their passions, and I am so grateful to have that basically handed to me on a platter the second I walk in the door.
One thing that is abundantly clear just from all of my pictures is that I love playing grown-up dress-up. When I was a little shrimp, I wanted a beautiful princess ball gown. And now I have one. I have dreamt of being a wizard or an alien with crazy powers, and I have come as close as any human can to that experience. When I put on the outfit, I can connect with that sense of childlike wonder that says “I can be anything.” I’ll always be a bit of an overgrown child, and this is a really fun and productive way to channel that energy. Yes, I build the costumes myself and have to pay for them, but if I have to be an adult on the way to being a kid, Why not?
Cosplay and conventions are an outlet to express my most authentic self, and I really missed that. There are other ways that I express myself, and I have leaned on those a lot in the last couple of years, but I knew that when conventions were back, I was there. Now if this pandemic could just cool it, I can be back to stay. Next event: Steampunk November. I built a cosplay for a Renaissance Faire that was supposed to happen in March of 2020, and it FINALLY gets to leave the house.
Catch you round the con floor. If you don’t recognize my face, the voice will likely tip you off.
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