If you follow me on social media, you know I've been in Colorado Springs visiting my old college friends and had a lovely time. I have had very little contact with those friends since graduation, and finally having them in front of me gave me a chance to properly appreciate their lives and where they are now compared to where we wereback in the days of endless homework and weird pranks.
My good friend Mikel has gotten married and had a baby since college. Like, okay, be an adult, I'll just sit here with my cat and play video games.
But that’s not a bad thing. People need to take life at different paces, and sometimes things fall into place, sometimes they take time. I wouldn’t trade my situation for hers, not she for mine. I also got to refresh my friendship with Mikel’s big brother, Caleb. He too is in a very different place than when we last parted, and that place is different from mine and different from hi sister's.
Without the constant school talk monopolizing our conversation, I feel like our friendship was able to take on a new dimension as well. It was a shift from “college friends” to “adult friends.” I love that so many of my college friends have been able to grow and change, but are still able to pick up where we left off.
It got me thinking about the feeling of revisiting the past. I’m a future-oriented person, I always have ten thousand possibilities for the future and sometimes I need to be pulled back to the present. On several occasions, that takes a literal form of me being grabbed by a good friend as I race off to something that really doesn’t matter. So, on the rare occasions I do look back, usually I learn something.
Looking back with new knowledge can give you a fresh perspective. The things I learned in college became refined and altered to reflect the world outside of the bubble. I didn’t notice the changes, they were slow and spread out, but looking back at college Kim, she’s different. But that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her. She had a role to play in bringing me to the present. When looking back, it’s important to have compassion for your past self, even if there are things you regret. I would hope you were just trying to make sense of a world that doesn’t do a very good job of explaining things.
Another piece of value in looking back is that it can show possible stagnation. As I said, I’m a future-oriented person, so I’m less prone to stagnation than most. Obviously, there is a difference between choosing to be still and grow in place and stagnation. But, in looking back, there should be change. I feel like a lot of us have at least one person in our lives who peaked at a particular point and just never really moved on from there. And that’s sad for a reason. We’re meant to grow and change, and to celebrate that change. I took joy in celebrating the people my college friends have become, and I would hope they appreciated my own attempts at progress. Though some areas see greater progress than others, it’s worth noting even the little things.
I feel like it’s important to keep pieces of the past in both my headspace and my physical space. Those memories and those mementos hold that space in time, allowing me to go back, revisit, maybe draw some new knowledge. And celebrate the growth. Bettering oneself is hard work, give yourself some credit. I am blessed to have people around me who are growing and improving and encourage me to do the same.
It's funny, as I type this, im wearing a red windbreaker that I got when I was fifteen. You might have seen me wearing it, it's way too big and painful 90's. I was in a play, and this cheap jacket was rescued from a thrift store to become part of my costume. I will never get rid of this thing. It reminds me of the first major role I ever got in a play, and one of my first major experiences finding a tribe of people who were just as bizarre as I was. But at the same time, I'm not the girl who wore this jacket on stage. And I'm glad for it. This jacket is a memento to remind me of where I have been, and how far I've come.
I want to be a person who never stops growing, learning, trying to be the best version of myself. I treasure the things of the past, and some of them should not change. Like those wonderful college friends who can always pick up where we left off. But I also delight in seeing them change, become better, find new things.
So here's to remembering the past, embracing the present, and seeing all the possibilities in the future.
