Remembering Grandpa

 I am back in Nebraska. Surprise!

I'm surprised too, I didn't think I'd be flopping into my childhood bed until Thanksgiving, but here I am. This is not one of those happy drop-ins that belongs in a corny movie. Today, my suitcase isn't the only thing that is heavy.

On Thursday evening, I received a message from my sister that my grandpa, Gordon Deichmann, was likely nearing the end of his life. I prayed for peace and safe travel for family traveling to say goodbye, and I waited for the inevitable phone call.

Early on Saturday morning, after 93 years of life, Grandpa Gordon passed away. His life was one marked by acres upon acres of crops harvested, hundreds of cattle raised, and land cared for in that way only a farmer can care. But my grandpa's greatest legacy is his family. The Deichmann side of the family has been close for as long as I can remember, and we make an effort to meet with each other regularly. I've seen posts honoring Grandpa on social media, and I guess it's my turn. Here are some of my memories of Gordon Deichmann.

Grandpa Gordon was never the first person you would notice when you walk into a room. He wasn't the loudest or most talkative, but he had a quiet reserved kind of strength. He was like a support beam at the center of a building. He worked hard to provide for his wife and children, and he took pride in his work.

It always seemed like Grandpa was happiest when he had a dog. His dogs followed at his heel and would obey his every command. If he told a dog to sit on the tractor and wait for his return, that dog would not have moved if he was gone for two hours. He loved the living things and treated them all with care and respect, from the livestock to the barn cats.

By the time I came along, that side of the family had been blessed with an abundance of cousins for me to play with. It was always a fun time to get together and explore the old farm buildings and play pretend amongst the old equipment. This is one of my favorite pictures of Grandpa Gordon. I remember him carrying me and all of his grandchildren in the buckets for as long as we would fit.

The one in the red bucket is me, and in the white bucket is my cousin, Kelly.

When Grandpa passed on Saturday, I was sad, but there was a part of me that was grateful. Over the last couple of years, his body was becoming less and less able to do the simplest of tasks, and it was hard to tell well his mind was taking in his surroundings.

My last conversation with Grandpa Gordon was to introduce him to my significant other, Alex. I am so grateful he got to meet my grandpa, even if it was only once. Grandpa was having a good day. He recognized me and we engaged in a good long conversation. I am so grateful that I am able to have that day as my last living memory of my grandpa.

My grandma is still living, and I was able to visit her yesterday. She grieves in her own way, as we all do. She had Grandpa by her side for 63 years, and I can't imagine how hard it must be to navigate life without him. 

Though the reason for my visit isn't the happiest, I love to visit my grandma

I hope this doesn't come across as self-serving, but I felt like this post was a good place to share this picture. Last Christmas, I borrowed my grandmother's wedding dress and took some pictures while wearing it. I was astounded that it fit this well and the pictures came out beautifully. This dress is over 60 years old and the lace is so fragile, but the marriage it represents was so definitely not. When my aunt showed the picture to my grandpa, he said that I looked beautiful just like my grandmother. 

                         

On the left, Jewell and Gordon Deichmann, 1958. On the right, Kim Deichmann, 2021.

My grandpa's life was one well-lived, and his rest is well-earned. God has freed him from a body that had been used up. I'm sad that he's not here, but I am grateful that he no longer feels pain, exhaustion, or illness. Rest well grandpa. I'll see you again someday.

Authenticity from Behind the Face Paint

 Ah yes, conventions are back and I. Am. Obsessed. I haven’t been this long without a convention since I started attending them six years ago. At the end of the convention, as I stripped off the wig and released my messy waves, scrubbed every speck of paint from my smothered face, and put on the shorts and tank top that are my uniform of summer, I had a thought. 

At that convention, in my insane getups that make my own mother question my identity, I had felt the most authentically myself that I had in a while. Which, to those whose hobbies don’t involve some form of roleplay (theater, some types of video creation, some forms of writing, etc.), might sound….weird. I’m wearing clothes that I would never choose and so caked in makeup that my mask is stuck to my face (not kidding, that fake blood is sticky). So, why would I feel MORE like myself when, by all appearances, I’m trying to not be myself?

Even when I'm not being me, I'm still pretty cute

Feeling more like oneself in costume is a very common sentiment in the cosplay community, and cosplayers have a variety of reasons for having it. Some feel insecure in daily life, and dressing up allows them to step away from those insecurities. Some appreciate that it serves as an instant icebreaker, a big sign reading “I like this thing, talk to me about this thing.” With that instant topic of conversation, many shy people find that they can make friends more easily in cosplay.

I’m most definitely not shy, and I’m not one prone to insecurity very often, so why do I feel authentic even through the costume? Part of it is knowing that no matter how much I alter my appearance, my posture, or my voice, it’s still me under it all. At a moment’s notice I can snap back to Kim and still be distinct. I can be dressed as a high-school age character and still be responsible, I can be dressed as a man and still be girly, and I can be dressed as a monster and still be bubbly and friendly. I also like messing with the dissonance between my appearance and my actions. It’s funny, and the real, authentic Kim loves to make people laugh.

Another aspect of feeling in my element at con is that cons are a place where my personality strengths are very advantageous. I’m good at keeping schedules straight. When you are trying to go between two panels, an autograph signing, and a concert while keeping track of check-ins for your 3 friends, scheduling is an extremely valuable skill. I love the noise, the colors, the unique stories that make up the convention experience. A lot of people my age struggle simply to find an environment in which to share their passions, and I am so grateful to have that basically handed to me on a platter the second I walk in the door.

One thing that is abundantly clear just from all of my pictures is that I love playing grown-up dress-up. When I was a little shrimp, I wanted a beautiful princess ball gown. And now I have one. I have dreamt of being a wizard or an alien with crazy powers, and I have come as close as any human can to that experience. When I put on the outfit, I can connect with that sense of childlike wonder that says “I can be anything.” I’ll always be a bit of an overgrown child, and this is a really fun and productive way to channel that energy. Yes, I build the costumes myself and have to pay for them, but if I have to be an adult on the way to being a kid, Why not?

Cosplay and conventions are an outlet to express my most authentic self, and I really missed that. There are other ways that I express myself, and I have leaned on those a lot in the last couple of years, but I knew that when conventions were back, I was there. Now if this pandemic could just cool it, I can be back to stay. Next event: Steampunk November. I built a cosplay for a Renaissance Faire that was supposed to happen in March of 2020, and it FINALLY gets to leave the house. 

Catch you round the con floor. If you don’t recognize my face, the voice will likely tip you off.

Reconnecting in 2021

 *Flops into chair and takes a deep breath* Okay, I have time to write a blog post before I “meep meep” and zoom off like I’m being pursued by a famished Canis latrans. I feel like all of the socializing and activities lost to 2020 are getting crammed into the back half of 2021. It’s wild, but I’m honestly enjoying it. I know, big surprise that a high-energy extrovert is a fan of social activities. So here’s what I’ve been up to.

For the first time since graduation, I visited my old college campus! I was in Michigan for a wedding and my companion Sydnee (another college friend) and I decided to drive our little rental car down and see what was up.

College buildings come in two varieties. The brand new ones that are completely foreign and kind of fun to explore, and the ones that have not changed at all and that I could walk blindfolded. It was really surreal to go between those two types as we explored the campus. It just so happened to be move-in weekend, so as we passed our old dorms we spied a new crop of freshmen and their families moving boxes and suitcases. I wish them the best as they start a new chapter of life. College was a great time for me, and I hope others can have as good an experience. As we reminisced in the union, relaxing on the couches where we used to study, we concluded that it’s good to be on campus as an alum.

Okay, so once I got back from Michigan, the suitcase didn’t even go back in the closet. The next weekend, I visited my family in Nebraska. This wasn’t just a normal trip home to visit my family, I had a very special person in tow. This was Alex’s official “meet the family” weekend. Because our relationship developed long-distance and the pandemic restricted travel, there just hadn’t been an opportunity to make the trip sooner. I could have waited until Thanksgiving, but that meeting would also include my extended family, which is...a bit much for one weekend. So, immediate family now, extended at Thanksgiving. And we road tripped the 10 hours so my dad could service my car while we were there. Did I mention Alex is a patient person?

Considering that this post isn’t titled “Suddenly Single Again” you can probably guess that the trip went well. We visited all of my grandparents, hung out with my siblings, and taught Alex more about popcorn than he ever thought possible.

We toured Preferred Popcorn (where my mom works) and got to go on top of a grain bin.

And THEN, once we got back from Nebraska, I am now preparing for *drumroll* my first convention since lockdown! *cheering* I have had my ticket for Texas Frightmare Weekend since 2019. And this weekend I will FINALLY be able to use it. I, being a cosplayer, will be dressing up for all three days and thoroughly enjoying everything about this tentative return to my favorite hobby. Yes, I’ll be wearing a mask, and yes, the convention size is capped to allow for proper social distancing, but will I be complaining? NOPE. I missed this so much. The dealer room, the panels, the celebrity guests, and my personal favorite thing, connecting with other people who get really excited about things they like. The convention energy is something that can only be experienced in person, and I’ve been deprived for far too long.

These activities do have a common thread. I feel like I’m checking the boxes of the groups in my life that I need to regularly connect with. With the trip to Michigan I was able to reconnect with my college friends, who truly are some of the closest friends I have made in life so far. In visiting Nebraska, I was obviously able to reconnect to my family, which in my case takes a lot of effort due to the distance, but it’s always worth it. And finally, this weekend, I’ll be reconnecting not only with the broad social group that is my fellow nerds, but with myself as I get back into something that really brings me joy.

I hope you can reconnect in 2021 with family, friends, social groups, and even yourself. This is such an action-packed blog post that I didn’t even talk about my upcoming move into a new apartment. That’s a post for another time. And there’s my birthday on the 29th, so I’ll probably celebrate that somewhere in there. I’ll figure it out, I always have so far. For now, I have to dig up my cosplays that have been waiting for far too long to be worn. Now where is my knife and fake blood?

Vaxxed, Unmasked, and Out There

Guys, I think we might be seeing the back end of this pandemic. 

Looking back at my initial thoughts when this started, I definitely did not anticipate that it would be 14 months before I could even consider things like concerts, festivals, and my beloved conventions. But as the vaccinations are going out, the number of cases is going down. My social butterfly self is OUT THERE AND LOVING EVERY MINUTE OF IT (yes, that was a Seinfeld reference).

So, here are a few of my thoughts as the numbers continue to make like the rain outside and fall.

I am finally okay saying that I am sick of wearing masks. I have been wearing one for 8 hours per day every day at work since last March because my job has me up and around other people all day. I have worn one in every public situation. I have not complained, and reminded other people to grab one before leaving home. I did not complain because I knew how important it was. When I was a kid I hated wearing seat belts because they hit my neck in a way that bugged me. But I wore one anyway because it’s important. I viewed masks in the same way, so I never complained. Now that the CDC has cleared the fully vaccinated to return to unmasked life, I will be the first to say that I am only too happy to ditch these things. I want my lipstick back, darn it! And don’t even get me started on mask acne.

When we first started wearing masks, I had to adjust the way I read people. I never realized how often I read people’s lips until I couldn’t do it anymore and had to ask people to repeat stuff all the time. And losing that much of a person’s face is strange when reading facial expressions.

Throughout this whole thing, I have been so grateful for my friends. We all kept tabs on each other throughout the various lockdowns and changes. Book club has been an amazing avenue for communication and a little bit of escapism. And now, we have a thousand plans for a thousand things we want to do. I’m so grateful that I still have people who want to tag along with me and invite me on various excursions. We can finally make life a bit more adventurous.

I would be remiss if I neglected to mention the romance that started during the height of lockdown (see my previous blog posts for the story on that). Yeah, that’s still going. From the very early days of our relationship, Alex and I have talked about wanting to adventure together, both in the form of travel and interesting experiences close to home. I feel like now that we’ve had a lot of time to build emotional connection through the simple, private interactions, our adventures will be all the more exciting and memorable. And heck, if a relationship can maintain a spark over this amount of time and distance in this kind of world, there must be something special here. And now, we have a whole world to explore together. Okay, okay, I’m gonna give myself a cavity if I keep writing stuff this sweet.

Never mind, my next point is also pretty sweet, I’ll call my dentist later. Let me tell you the story of an incredible woman. She is in her 50’s and has “adopted” several con friends and me as her “kids.” Due to an unfortunate marriage that ended badly, she never had children by birth, so we are only too happy to come over to her house and play games, make food, and just enjoy her mothering all of us. This whole pandemic thing would be difficult enough, with her having to stay home all the time and us having to limit contact, but she had a huge bombshell last September. She had breast cancer. Due to a family history, she had been vigilant about regular checks, and she was able to catch it early before it could spread. But she had to go through chemotherapy, which wrecks your immune system. Did I mention this was happening during a PANDEMIC? So, of course, we couldn’t offer the kind of support we wanted to give our mom-friend. But we made sure to check up on her over the phone, so she knew we were always thinking of her. She had found the love of her life after the messy divorce, so she did have her husband, who was wonderful throughout the whole thing (Hey, you’re never too old to find love). And for Christmas, we put together a box of small gifts and notes of encouragement and left it on her porch. Then we ran to the car and called her to watch her pick it up. The happy tears when she saw it were worth all of the rigamarole of prep and delivery.

When the vaccines started rolling out, we instantly started planning our first in-person get together. The chemo was over and her strength was starting to return, so once we were all fully vaccinated, we felt it was finally safe to have a dinner party. That dinner party was Sunday night, and it was so wonderful to shower her and her husband in all of the love and encouragement we had so wanted to give for so many months. If there is one person who deserves an award for surviving 2020, it’s her. I’m telling this story because I want to give some recognition to Wendy. I'm proud to be one of her “kids.”

The return to something more like my 2019 life is both figuratively and literally a breath of fresh air. I have a newfound appreciation for my health and the value of social interaction. Humans are a social species, we need each other. I appreciate the creativity of people finding ways to safely support each other in a world no one can predict. And I’m re-learning the balance of social vs alone time. I’ve had too much social at times in my life, and this year I have definitely had times of too much alone, so now it’s time to try and re-find that happy medium. It’s tempting to just try and cram everything in, but I know that’s not healthy either. 

So, vaxxed and unmasked, I venture into the world once more, finding what feels like the 56th new normal. I hope my readers are enjoying a more relaxed existence. Here’s to greater things!

Appreciating the Past

If you follow me on social media, you know I've been in Colorado Springs visiting my old college friends and had a lovely time. I have had very little contact with those friends since graduation, and finally having them in front of me gave me a chance to properly appreciate their lives and where they are now compared to where we wereback in the days of endless homework and weird pranks.

We went to a cute little tea house. We'd just sat down and I forgot to take my mask off

My good friend Mikel has gotten married and had a baby since college. Like, okay, be an adult, I'll just sit here with my cat and play video games.

But that’s not a bad thing. People need to take life at different paces, and sometimes things fall into place, sometimes they take time. I wouldn’t trade my situation for hers, not she for mine. I also got to refresh my friendship with Mikel’s big brother, Caleb. He too is in a very different place than when we last parted, and that place is different from mine and different from hi sister's.

Without the constant school talk monopolizing our conversation, I feel like our friendship was able to take on a new dimension as well. It was a shift from “college friends” to “adult friends.” I love that so many of my college friends have been able to grow and change, but are still able to pick up where we left off.

It got me thinking about the feeling of revisiting the past. I’m a future-oriented person, I always have ten thousand possibilities for the future and sometimes I need to be pulled back to the present. On several occasions, that takes a literal form of me being grabbed by a good friend as I race off to something that really doesn’t matter. So, on the rare occasions I do look back, usually I learn something.

Looking back with new knowledge can give you a fresh perspective. The things I learned in college became refined and altered to reflect the world outside of the bubble. I didn’t notice the changes, they were slow and spread out, but looking back at college Kim, she’s different. But that doesn’t mean there’s anything wrong with her. She had a role to play in bringing me to the present. When looking back, it’s important to have compassion for your past self, even if  there are things you regret. I would hope you were just trying to make sense of a world that doesn’t do a very good job of explaining things.

Another piece of value in looking back is that it can show possible stagnation. As I said, I’m a future-oriented person, so I’m less prone to stagnation than most. Obviously, there is a difference between choosing to be still and grow in place and stagnation. But, in looking back, there should be change. I feel like a lot of us have at least one person in our lives who peaked at a particular point and just never really moved on from there. And that’s sad for a reason. We’re meant to grow and change, and to celebrate that change. I took joy in celebrating the people my college friends have become, and I would hope they appreciated my own attempts at progress. Though some areas see greater progress than others, it’s worth noting even the little things.

I feel like it’s important to keep pieces of the past in both my headspace and my physical space. Those memories and those mementos hold that space in time, allowing me to go back, revisit, maybe draw some new knowledge. And celebrate the growth. Bettering oneself is hard work, give yourself some credit. I am blessed to have people around me who are growing and improving and encourage me to do the same.

It's funny, as I type this, im wearing a red windbreaker that I got when I was fifteen. You might have seen me wearing it, it's way too big and painful 90's. I was in a play, and this cheap jacket was rescued from a thrift store to become part of my costume. I will never get rid of this thing. It reminds me of the first major role I ever got in a play, and one of my first major experiences finding a tribe of people who were just as bizarre as I was. But at the same time, I'm not the girl who wore this jacket on stage. And I'm glad for it. This jacket is a memento to remind me of where I have been, and how far I've come.

I want to be a person who never stops growing, learning, trying to be the best version of myself. I treasure the things of the past, and some of them should not change. Like those wonderful college friends who can always pick up where we left off. But I also delight in seeing them change, become better, find new things.

So here's to remembering the past, embracing the present, and seeing all the possibilities in the future.

Warm Hearts in the Frozen South

 Happy Valentines day, I guess?

Okay, so fist off, let me say that I am neutral on Valentine's Day in general. Celebrate it, don't celebrate it, I quite honestly don't care. My Valentine's tradition in the past has been to get together with my best friend and celebrate our friend-love for each other. We lived together for 3 1/2 years and are still best friends, I feel like we've earned some kind of love status. And all the discounts on fine foods an wine? Yes, please!

But this year is a bit different. Because for the first time in my life, I have a significant other to celebrate. Yeah, that Alex guy? I haven't scared him off yet. He might just be a keeper, guys. Although we have one teeny tiny little obstacle to our adorable Valentine's day mushy couple plans. Namely the 1331 miles between our residences. He's working on finding a job in the area, but that's another story entirely. So, we planned a lovely long-distance date. We would get dressed as if we were going out, order each other some dinner, have some adult beverages handy, and stream a movie. Why yes, yes we are adorable. And here's what makes it even worse. We met at Katsucon 2020. The first day of that convention. What day was that? February 14th, 2020. Did I mention that I live in a romantic comedy movie?

A long distance table for two. The phone tripod for our video chat, the laptop for a movie, and the proper table setting for dinner.

And much like a romantic comedy, we had some unexpected obstacles. The first one being the WORST SNOWSTORM DALLAS HAS SEEN IN YEARS. One advantage of being long distance is that our plans didn't involve me leaving my apartment anyway. However, remember how I said we were ordering dinner for each other? My first choice in our agreed upon food category (Italian) was closed. As was the second. And the third. And.....okay I stopped counting, but we went through a bunch of possibilities before I found a place that was delivering while there was about 2 in. snow on the ground and more coming down every minute. The first 45 minutes of our date was just us trying to order our food. And of course I was able to order with no problem and get his food delivered because there was less snow in Virginia than Texas. This is a weird year, okay? And then, in a bitter irony, my food arrived first because the delivery driver was late getting to the restaurant. But we just talked and I sipped my wine, that wasn't a problem.

The second obstacle was the streaming services. My computer is....special. It tends to not want to do things at the most inconvenient times. And today it decided to randomly buffer for no reason during the movie. We had to pause and re-sync frequently, but we just went with it. We are adaptable!

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Okay, now that the mushiness of Valentine's day is over, time for the STORY that has been the last two days. I work in a medical laboratory, so we cannot do our work remotely and we don't shut down for Predisent's Day. So, I had planned to go into work as usual, despite the snow.

I woke up to a chilly apartment, and when I flipped the switch in the bathroom, nothing happened. The power was out. I discovered that I was in a "rolling blackout" that was supposed to last 15-45 minutes. The temperature indicated that the power hadn't been out or long, so I went about my morning, thinking it would come on soon. Right before I left for work, I noticed the the power had been out for over an hour. I was grateful to go to work and hopefully have some hot coffee.

However, because the roads were so bad, most people couldn't get in to work on Monday. And by most people, I mean I WAS THE ONLY ONE WHO MADE IT. I learned to drive in Nebraska, I am one of the closest distance-wise, and I don't have to go on any major roads to get to work, so I walked in to an empty lab.

Talk about post-apocalyptic. The lab was very dimly lit and I could faintly see the blinking lights of machines on backup batteries and the faint beeping of machines on their last dregs of power. Yup, the lab had lost power as well. I let my boss know and she told me the head of the lab was on his way to make sure everything was okay. So there I was, pacing through the deserted, post-apocalyptic lab to try and keep warm, lamenting my lack of a hot beverage.

The head of the lab got in and discovered that the backup generator wasn't functioning. There are three levels of power in this lab. The main power, the backup generator, and these huge batteries that provide bare bones power for a while. We were on that third one. So the head of the lab was trying to jump the generator literally using his car. It wasn't working, so he left to go get longer cables and sent me home.

While I was pacing the medical wasteland, I had gotten a text from my friend who also lives in the same complex notifying me that the power had mercifully returned. So I went back to my nice warm apartment to make some lunch (and finally get my coffee), gather my laptop, and go over to her apartment and hang out for the day. No sooner had we gotten settled and happy in her apartment, the power went out again. I went over to y apartment to grab a power bank to keep my phone alive and some books and we just read under a pile of blankets and listened to music. Not much else you can do at that point. 

When it started getting too dark to read, I packed up my stuff and went back to the jumbo fridge that is my apartment. Although to my complex's credit, the temperature was never below about 58 even after 7 hours of no power, so they must have some decent insulation. I went to my tool drawer and pulled out some things I thought I would never use: the flashlights my dad gives me every Christmas. I have four of them of varying shapes and intensities, so I used the biggest to light my room, and carried one of the smaller ones with my as I lit a couple of candles for some more general light (we don't talk about the weird combination of scents that ensued). I shone the light around my kitchen and looked for something that I could cobble into a passable supper without any heating elements required. I know candlelight dinners are supposed to be romantic, but I don't think this is what most people have in mind

Ah yes, the finest tuna sandwich with carrot sticks and grapes. Truly gourmet.

Thankfully, my power bank supplied my phone with more than enough energy to call my mon and chat with her for a while. And as luck would have it, as I was just about to call her, the power came back! I thought that the worst was over and I would go to sleep in a nice warm apartment tonight. Alas, it was not to be. While I was talking, my apartment went pitch black once again. At least there had been time for the place to get warm and my fridge to get cold and my power bank to suck up some more juice for the night ahead. After I finished with my mom, I listened to an audioook for a while (also doesn't take much battery power), read by flashlight, and got ready for bed. I piled on a few extra blankets and went to bed in a sweatshirt leggings, sweatpants, and thick socks. I even did some quick jumping jacks to try and generate some of my own heat before diving under the covers. And you know what? I actually slept quite well.

I was awakened at roughly 3:15am by a light turning on in the next room. We had been blessed with our next ration of power! I turned off the light and went back to sleep, hoping to wake up in an hour to kick off this mountain of blankets.

The next thing I knew, my alarm was going off and I could feel the chill on my face. No power. And there had been none for a while, if the 59 degree temperature was any gauge. I knew that if the lab was open, it would be a mess and my help would be desperately needed, so I extracted myself from the pile of blankets and prepared for another day of vain hope.

When I got to the lab, there were a handful of people there doing anything that didn't require machines. The backup generator was now functioning, but the computer system was most definitely down. And big, complex systems likethis aren't like booting up your laptop. It's a 3-4 hour process. And on top of all of that, the courier services that bring our specimens were not running due to the awful roads. All that to say, there was nothing that I could do. I waited around for a bit to see if anthing cropped up, but there was nothing. The power was still out at my apartment and had been for nearly nine hours. I hadn't showered in nearly two days, and I was once again jonesing for a hot beverage and meal. I made plans with some friends in my complex to flee to anoher friend's apartment where they had power.

I slam into my house, ready to pack the car and get someplace warm. no sooner had I done that, then the power company decided to bless us with our next ration of power. I cancelled the plans to flee (the awful roads made me reluctant to leave unless I had to), and took a shower the pleasures of which....are not family friendly. I was blessed with three glorious hours of power, during which I actually started writing this blog post . Then, the power gods decided that our time was up and the power went down again. I am. so. done. But I made a nest of blankets by the window and decided to read until my next ration of power. My cat curled up on top of me and I was actually quite comfortable. I read probably 100 pages before the sun went down too far and I was forced to once again crack out the flashlights. I was contemplating another no-cook dinner and setting up a phone conversation with my brother when the power once again returned around 6:15. I immediately started boiling water for some tea and heated up a proper dinner. This power might be my last for the evening, so I made the most of it. Until it wend back down roun 7:30.

One activity that I discovered takes up very little battery power and is a very productive use of time is calling and talking to friends and family while pacing back and forth in my apartment. The movement helped me keep warm, and the interaction was helping me keep sane. Plus, I hadn't talked to my brother in a while, so it was good to catch up. As I was getting ready for bed, by witch I mean layering everything up and getting ready to not move for a while, we got one final burst of power for the day, which showed me what lights needed to be turned off.

After being woken up twice by the sound of power coming on at 3:15 and 5:45, I woke up once again to my alarm. I went into the bathroom to brush my teeth and wash my face. I turned the handle...nothing. I have no power, and now I have no water. Okay, if my work is functional, I can raid the vending machines for enough water to hydrate myself and my cat and at least have access to a bathroom. I asked my boss if the lab would be able to function and she said that they honestly would not be able to know and I should just be on standby. I took that to mean "probably not" and texted my friends with power. They also still had water, so it was time to take refuge in the 21st century. I can handle these bursts of power is if means I can at least prepare and make it through, but no functioning toilets is where I draw the LINE. I packed up my friends and we prepared to brave the cold and awful roads.

Now, I'm a good ol' Nebraska girl who leaned to drive on grvel in all kinds of weather conditions. Since moving to Texas, I have also had to drive in some pretty nasty conditions to and from my parents' house. So as long as all of these Texas drivers who never see snow can keep their cars socially distanced from mine, we're fine. We made it with only a few close calls with the slick roads.

and AS LUCK WOULD HAVE IT, when we all get set up in their place, their internet goes out. Of course. At least we all got a hot shower and have access to heat and functional plumbing. Whatever, this is the best we can do for now.

I am typing this on a notepad document so that I can upload it when I once again have internet access. This has been an adventure, and it continues to be one. But I have to remind myself to be grateful. People lived for thousands of years without good climate control and indoor plumbing. Heck, internet outages are still common. I am so grateful for the fact that I could call my family three states away to keep me company in the dark, and I had freinds that were keeping tabs on me while I keep tabs on them. None of us would be left in the cold, no matter how cold it got. They opened their homes and shared their resources, and I shared what I had as well. Together, we are going to get through this awful storm (Is it a series of storms at this point? Is there a name for that?), and I couldn't ask for better people to help ride it out with me. Stay warm, my readers!

Book Club: The Origin Story

 So, in my previous post I mentioned that I started a book club in 2020 that is still going strong. All of the members have really enjoyed it, and I know that some of my readers might be interested in doing something similar. When I mention that I have a book club, many people express an interest in starting or joining one for themselves. A common and very good resolution is to read more, and a book club is one way to get some reading in and exchange ideas with people. It can even be a way to make new friends and deepen existing relationships. So, here's what I did. This is by no means a definitive guide, it's just the story of my little book club. Feel free to take some ideas and adapt them to you and your friend group. There are no rules here, there is no wrong way to do it. The point is to get people reading and interacting, and any way you can do that is welcome.

So, my initial motivation for this was to make sure that I stayed in touch with my college friends who lived nearby. It was getting silly that these people live less than an hour away and I would forget to see them for months at a time. We needed a reason to get together regularly. We, like all good Hilldale students, love to read and exchange ideas, so a book club seemed an appropriate way to facilitate that.

At our first meeting, I asked people to be thinking about books that not everyone will have read, that have a lot of things that can be discussed, and that we would all enjoy reading. We had an initial pre-meeting where we came to a consensus and agreed to meet on a particular day and time with a copy in hand and the first chapter read. Our first book? the Watchmen graphic novel. Remember, there are no rules. If we all want to read a graphic novel, then darn it, we are going to read and discuss a graphic novel.

At first, we met every two weeks. Our meetings were roughly an hour, and we would discuss a couple of chapters at each meeting. Generally the first few minutes were a time to catch up and see how everyone is doing, then we open the book and off we go. If we get sidetracked and go off on a rabbit trail, that is okay. If we get hung up on an idea for the whole time, that is also okay. We would go until we were finished with discussion, come to a consensus on what to read for the next meeting, then all go off back to our lives.

I made a Facebook group chat to remind people of meeting time and what chapters we were discussing. This chat was also a great place to share articles or videos that came up in discussion. It was also the place where people would let the goup kow they couldn't make it or would have to be late.

When the shelter in place went into effect for Dallas county, we switched to using a video chat for our meetings. I highly recommend this because it allowed for two very important aspects of this club that have kept it sustainable. First of all, if someone really doesn't want to leave the house that day or the weather is bad, they can still participate. Second, it allowed us to add people not physically close enough to attend. This was a great way to reconnect with some college friends who had been scattered to the four winds.

During the lockdown, we also started meeting weekly instead of every two weeks. This was mostly because we all had nothing better to do. By the time things started opening up, the habit was just there and we kept doing it every week. This worked for us, but every book club should choose a schedule that they can realistically stick to.

When I say that I started a book club, most people's first question is "What kind of books do you read?" And I never know how to answer it because we don't really have a structure for how we choose our books. It's really just whatever we think that we will have good discussion about and can come to a consensus on what we want to read. This past year, we have mostly chosen sci-fi, but that won't be the case forever. We read what we want to read, and that keeps it from becoming a chore.

A lot of people think that a book club requires you to read a whole book between meetings. My book club reads whatever we think we can manage. Sometimes that's nearly 50 pages, sometimes less than 20. We end each meeting by giving the assignment for next week and make sure someone puts it into the group chat for anyone who is absent. By meeting more frequently and reading smaller increments, we can properly discuss each plot point as it comes up and nothing gets skipped over to save time.

One more thing that I feel has benefited my book club has been the lack of pressure. We have people who go several weeks without a word then come back, and that is okay. If someone didn't have time to read this week, we still want them to attend and at least enjoy the discussion. The world is full of things that make demands, book club is a request. It should be a joy, not a drudgery.

This book club has been a real blessing to me this past year, and I hope it has been a blessing to other members as well. We have had many good discussions and exchanged so many interesting thoughts and ideas, and I can't wait for more. Some meetings have better conversations than others, some flow more easily, some go completely off track. But I never regret going to book club.

Maybe this has inspired you to start a book club, check one out, or just to read more in general. The pursuit of ideas and good interaction is always worth the effort. There are no rules to how you should or shouldn't do a book club, be willing to try different things and find what works for your group. Something you can stick to and enjoy long-term is infinitely better than a grand plan that fizzles out in three meetings.

That's the story of my book club and how my group has kept it going for a whole year. It was a group effort, I definitely could not have done it alone. I'm so grateful for their efforts and putting up with my nonsense.

Hope you read some good books in 2021!

2020: A Year to Adapt

Time to review the last year! And no, this is not going to just be me griping about all of the stuff that I missed, that got cancelled, that I was unable to enjoy because of the pandemic. Because here's my big first world problem about 2020: I came out ahead. Even though my precious conventions were cancelled, I gained so much that it ended up a net positive. Allow me to explain.

Okay, I know I said this wasn't going to be a gripe post, but I will gripe a little bit. Because conventions are one of my favorite things on the planet. I make a lot of friends there, I have fun experiences, I spend money on things that I don't "need" but I NEED THIS THING RIGHT NOW. And yes I want my conventions back. I want to wear my costumes that I love building. I want Renaissance fairs. I want meetups. I want concerts. I want plays.

But there's something weird about this year. Because it has required more effort, I have socialized just as much if not more than I normally would have in this last year. And here's how I somehow managed it.

1. This is something that is kind of dumb luck. I have two friends who live in the same apartment complex as me. We each live alone, so when the shelter in place went down in March, I declared us a family that just so happens to live in separate apartments. We are all in our 20's and otherwise healthy, so as long as we were careful otherwise, our risk to each other was minimal. Our little family was a great support to our mental health in such a stressful time. We checked up on each other, had game nights, watched movies together, and talked about normal things when we all needed a mental rest from constant COVID talk.

2. My book club. I'll write a full blog post about how it materialized, but I stared a book club in January of 2020. Part of my motivation was to have an avenue for consistent communication with my college friends. And as luck would have it, this last year was one that needed consistent communication more than any year in my memory. We've had great discussions, added new people, read good books, and enriched each other's lives. Thank you to everyone who has participated in my book club, and I hope it keeps going strong in 2021!

3. I really got pack into RPGs this year. For those of you who don't know (which is going to be most of you), RPG stands for role playing game. The most famous example of this is Dungeons & Dragons, but there are loads of other ones with different worlds and characters. An easy way to think about it is "playing pretend with more math." One person is the game master, and takes players through a story where the players make choices and roll dice to determine the outcome. Example: you come to a door, do you find a key, try to break the door, or set it on fire? You choose to set it on fire, you roll the dice to determine if the door catches fire, and to see if the monster on the other side hears you. I could go on for literal hours, but that's the basic idea. I joined a group of people doing this over a voice group chat. It's a great way to get some social interaction and fun without anyone needing to leave the house. I've played some really fun games and gotten to know some really cool people through RPGs. The creativity that some of these people have is insane, and I love it!

4. As those who follow my blog will know, my love life improved during a global pandemic. While in the depths of lockdown. I know, it's one of the least likely things to happen. But that seems to happen to me a lot. Weird stuff happens, and I make it work. I like to think of it as taking advantage of opportunities. Check out my other blog post to see the story of how I met and started dating my dear Alex. Be warned, it's kind of tooth-rottingly sweet. We're still going strong, and for the first time in my life, I went into a new year with a romantic partner. Feels good, man!

Another thing I did do this year was make a few more cosplays. I had to make myself stop because the ones that I have made have not seen a convention, and I want all of my cosplays to be seen! Building these was fun, and I'm really proud of them. It helps remind me that this won't be forever, and that there will be a tomorrow where I'll wear these. And hey, with the money I saved not attending cons, I can go to even more when they're available again! It may not be the convention scape of before, it'll be a new normal, but that's okay. We will adapt. Here are my cosplays that came into existence in 2020:

This is an enchantress character I made for Renaissance fairs when they come back.

This is a Pokémon trainer from Pokémon Go. It's a pastel rainbow version that I was intending to use in a photoshoot that ended up cancelled. This will still be a fun one for con

The last thing from 2020 that I want to mention in closing out the year is a lesson that I've been thinking about a lot. I have gotten some serious experience being wrong on things that I thought I had all figured out. I've had to learn how to completely change what I think on things because I was proven to be wrong. Me believing or rationalizing doesn't change facts. Examples:

Early on, I thought that the panic over this new virus was worse than the virus itself. Thousands of people dying has proven me wrong. 

I thought that this would be one big wave then it would all be over. Nope. It keeps coming back.

I thought that everyone would just have to get the virus to get it over with. I'm glad I was wrong here. I haven't had a sniff, none of my friend group in Texas has had a sniff, and with the vaccine on the way, chances are I won't have to deal with it. Yessssssss!

I was so wrong on all of these things, and it was difficult to admit that. But I would rather face the discomfort of having to change my thinking than stubbornly hold on to a wrong opinion for the sake of my ego. "I was wrong" is something you are allowed to say. It does not make you less of a person, and it does not mean you are incapable of forming a good opinion, it just means that you had to adapt. And if there's one thing 2020 has forced us all to do, it's adapt.

All things considered, I can't complain too much about 2020. I seriously can't. I know, I'm annoying. I'm so flipping lucky I somehow manage to come out of one of the worst years in recent memory no worse for wear. I am grateful for this, and I have so much sympathy for those who haven't had a good year. I really hope that the next year provides a much-needed fresh start for everyone

Well, here's to another lap around the sun. For good or ill, we're all riding this planet together in 2021. Happy New Year!