If you're reading this, I'm guessing you've heard of The Five Love Languages. The concepts originally described in the book have become common bits of relationship advice. It's useful to know how to best express love to those around you, and how to express your favorite ways of receiving love.
My primary love language is quality time. At times, it seems like this is simultaneously the simplest and the most difficult one. We are all given the same number of hours, minutes, and seconds in every day. I value when someone chooses to spend those precious moments with me. But this blog post isn't about my favorite love language, this post is about the one I think is the most misunderstood.
In the book The Five Love Languages, the author speculates that the most misunderstood love language is physical touch. I suppose in romantic relationships, this is probably true. Those that desire physical touch are often seen as overly sexual or too forward. But there are so many more relationships in our lives than the romantic ones, and so many people to whome we want to express love. And amongst those non-romantic relationships, I posit that the most misunderstood love language is gifts.
Gifts are sometimes seen as "trying to buy affection" and that's not the spirit of gifts when done authentically as an expression of love. It's not about the quantity or price of a gift. There's a lot more going on.
When you are in a store, do you ever see an item and think "That looks like my sister" or "I have a friend who would love that?" That. Right there. That is why gifts speak love. A thoughtful gift says "I think about you even when you aren't with me." A gift can indicate that you have paid enough attention to someone that you know what they would like. And not only have you given that attention, you keep them present in your mind. That is a beautiful indication of love, be it romantic, familial, or friendship.
Another thing that gifts can do is be a constant reminder that someone love you. Do you have a gift that someone has given you that always reminds you of them? I do. I have a set of earrings that are the Lewis structure of caffeine, and I love them. They are a gift from my best friend when we were still in college. They make me think of her, and I really like that.
Since moving to Texas, the amount of quality time I can spend with my family is precious little, and I truly treasure it. But I want to give them more than just that. So I try to put a lot of effort into giving them gifts that they will like and that can serve as a reminder that I love them. I may only see them a couple times a year, but they can have something that says "I love you and think of you" every day. I have come to appreciate gifts as a love language more over the last few years. It's not about the price or number of gifts, it's the love that can be shown through those gifts. I'm not trying to buy love, I'm trying to show love through a tangible object.
Christmas is a good time to think about the love language of gifts, and maybe give some to a person who speaks it. Even something small can mean a lot. I want those I love to be aware of my love, so I try to speak all love languages. Gifts can be hard to understand, but there really is nothing quite like finding that little something to make your favorite person light up brighter than the tree.
God gave us the gift of His Son, and we can remember that in a small way when we give to each other. Merry Christmas.
