Remembering Grandma - Part 2

Part one was mostly about how my grandmother's final days affected me and my life. Well, enough about me, I'm here in Nebraska to honor the life of my grandma, so let's talk about her.

Grandma never really liked to talk about herself, so it feel a appropriate that I can share some memories from growing up visiting that farmhouse with her and grandma.

Now, my grandparents were not the only residents of that farm. Some of my earliest memories around my grandma were the cats that lived in the garage and barn. Grandma would put out cat food and table scraps for them and we grandkids would play with them, at least the ones that were tame enough to catch. There was one cat in particular, a tortiseshell we called Mama Kitty, that was always up in the garage ready to be petted and show of one of her many litters of kittens. Hunting down kittens and taming them was one of the ways that I, a talkative child, learned to be quiet and patient. To this day, I have a very gentle touch when handling things, especially animals. I think part of that is because Grandma taught me to not squeeze or be rough with the kittens if I wanted to hold them.

I loved doing craft projects with my grandma, and she always had some laying around for us to play with. We made gak, a gooey substance that is a bit like a thick slime (I always colored mine pink). We painted suncatchers and hung them in the windows. I made many a picture out of Perler beads or foinger paint. And sometimes I was content to just color with markers and watch cartoons. Grandma always loved my little projects and displayed them proudly. Her fridge, windows, and cupboards always had little art projects from her grandchildren.

That leads me to another memory of my grandma. She was always at as many concerts, events, and performances as she could make. I never really thought much of that as a child since she only lived a mile away from me, but she was more than willing to make the drive for my cousins as well because she wanted to be present in their lives. I don't really know if she had a favorite kind of event, from sports games to band concerts to speech showcase, because she always loved them all.

As my grandma got older, her top priority was making sure that my grandpa was taken care of. She had taken on the role of his wife, and she wore it well. As my grandpa's senses became dull with years of hard work and his mobility decreased, she did whatever it took to make sure his needs were met. Her children and grandchildren worried about how they were getting on and tried to help as much as possible, but let's just say my stubborn streak came from that side of the family. Grandma never wanted to accept help and other people were always her top priority.

When my grandpa passed, it was Grandma that pulled all of the grandchildren from the four corners of the country to her side. We all knew that we should be by her side and show her how much we loved her and we were willing to drop everything and come together as a family. Even after Grandpa's funeral, I was sitting next to her and my aunt came to give her a cup of water, and her first question after thanking my aunt was "Did you get something to eat?" always thinking of others before herself, that was just who Grandma was.

My last conversation with Grandma was short and not anything that you would see in a dramatic novel. I told her how much I loved her and how much I valued having her as family. She asked me about work and I showed her the beautiful sunny day in the window. I thanked her for the years of thing she had done for me and everyone else. One thing sticks in my mind. My aunt commented "Isn't she pretty?" (I had done a cute hairstyle that day and my lipstick matched my sweater) and my grandma agreed. "It runs in the family," I quipped. My grandma shook her head, she never knew how beautiful she was to all of us. She was so concerned with everyone else, she never saw her own beauty.

See? Runs in the family, look at that smile!

And just because she didn't see it, doesn't mean I can't show. it. I mentioned the pictures I took in my grandmother's wedding dress, and today as I went through some old photos, I found their wedding pictures. My beautiful grandma, on the day of her wedding, looking more glamorous than I ever saw her in my lifetime, taking a rare turn in the spotlight as the beautiful bride she was.

She carries herself with a certain dignity that I hope I inherited.

I have seen pictures of brides in this exact pose to this day. Faded as the photo is, that is pretty cool. 

After the funeral, my dad called to tell me that I was inheriting the wedding dress. I was floored. Surely one of my aunts would want it, but they gave it to me. I love connecting with the world through clothing and fashion, so this is something that I have a special connection to. I may have professional photos taken in it, or do a photoshoot when I am planning my own wedding. I knw enough people who work with old materials to take proper care of it and see if I can give it as much of its former glory as I can. Then I would like to preserve it in a shadowbox or some form of display. That dress represents the beginning of a 60+ year marriage, it deserves better than to be hidden in an old cedar chest. I am so grateful for this gift and I will care for it well, of that I am determined.

When Grandpa died, we knew Grandma would not stay long before going to be with him. Their marriage was so much of their life, and Grandma was so dedicated to him, that once his work was done, hers was almost done as well. She passed on into a well-deserved eternal rest and had a better Christmas than I could imagine. I visited her resting place to place some flowers and say and in-person goodbye. The road is familiar, I know that cemetery all too well. My grandparents rest next to my brother, under the same color headstone, black granite.

I like how the shadow of my brother's grave is on the left, like he's putting an arm around them to welcome them to Heaven.

I entered 2021 with 3 out of 4 grandparents living, and now I have but one. I know my grandparents are in a better place and no longer in aging, non-working bodies. But just because I can carry it well by the grace of God, doesn't make the weight of grief any less heavy today. Share in my remembrance as we move forward into the new year. I don't know what it will bring, and that's okay. It's not my job to figure that out, my job is to deal with what is before me today.

Thank you for sharing in my story. Happy New Year

A Heavy December - Part 1

Some years, The month of December is truly my favorite part of the year. I love Christmas, in case I haven't said so a thousand times. I love bright colored decorations and lights, making and sharing delicious food, giving gifts to those I care about, and my favorite: spending time with those I love. On a scale of Ebenezer Scrooge to Buddy the Elf, I'm firmly the latter.

This year, my heart was a little heavier than the cast-iron skillet I got for my sister. Life doesn't operate according to my time, and this was not a time I would have chosen.

On December 12, I got a call from my aunt. My grandmother's health had taken a bad turn and she wasn't sure how much time she had left. I wasn't sure what this meant. Could it be a couple of days? A few weeks? a month? I waited for further information.

The next day, while I was at work, I was asked by a different aunt to video call her as soon as I could. She wanted all of the grandkids to have a chance to speak to grandma before a combination of a failing body and the medicine to make her comfortable sent her into a permanent haze. I called and had my last conversation with my grandmother on this Earth. She was tired and looked very weak, but she recognized me and talked to me for a precious few minutes.

This is the last picture of the two of us together. It was taken when I visited Nebraska in October for my grandpa's funeral. I remember that day. It was beautiful outside and we had a good conversation.

The next week was a waiting game that was honestly one of the most difficult things I've had to do in a long time. I like planning things out and making sure everyone is happy, and this was simply impossible. I didn't sleep well, my mind was trying so hard to come up with plans A through K for every possible contingency. I was preoccupied and every little thing just felt like another block from a Jenga tower about to collapse. What's worse was that all of this was happening around my Christmas travel plans. I was flying out on the 23rd to spend Christmas with my partner's family in Pennsylvania. Should I rearrange flights and join him there a day or two later? Should I try to make the funeral or wait and take my leave from work later? What would be better for my family? What would serve my grieving process better? It feels weird thinking all of this when she is still alive and her time of passing is between her and God.

I was so grateful for my sister in that week. She gave me important updates without me having to call her all the time. I at least had the peace of knowing that if anything big did happen, mine was the first number she would call, and I didn't have to wonder if I had the right information. She really gave me what I needed, and I thank her for that.

By the time Friday rolled around, I had somewhat decided which of my many plan variations I would use. Flying out in an attempt to make a funeral early the next week, while possible, would just leave me more stressed and overwhelmed. I wanted to have a clear mind to honor the memory of my grandmother, not have a million things to think about with Christmas and travel. I would go and enjoy Christmas with Alex's family, then fly to Nebraska to go through my grandparents' property and visit her grave. It felt like the plan that would give my grandma's memory the respect it deserved. And of course, it still felt so weird saying all of this when she still lives. In that hospice room, no one could say when she would slip away. She would go knowing that her children were close by, her grandchildren loved her, and her husband awaited her arrival. When? God only knows.

Well, God did know. And Jewell Deichmann slipped into a place none of us can possibly imagine on December 18th, 2021. She was received by an entourage including my grandpa Gordon Deichmann, my brother Chet Deichmann, my cousin Joseph Deichmann, and many other friends and family. I got the call from my dad as I sat on the couch watching Christmas movies with Alex. When I hung up, I nodded and knew it was time to book the flights, tell my boss I would be gone longer than anticipated, and pack a second suitcase.

On the winter solstice, the darkest day of the year, the world dimmed the lights as my grandmother was laid to rest next to my brother Chet and my grandpa Gordon. I sat next to Alex in my living room and we watched the video of her funeral. I paused it to explain some of the stories and point out faces familiar to me. He listened and was present with me the whole time, and I thank him for that. As those who knew Grandma described her in her younger days, he remarked that she was a bit like me. And I guess I am in some ways. Jewell Deichmann was a pretty great lady, so I take that as a compliment.

I did indeed go to Pennsylvania, and I did have a wonderful time with Alex's family. I bribed them with cookies and corny jokes, so I hope they like me. It really was a lovely Christmas, and one that I will treasure. But I knew that amongst all of the lights and decorations filling my Christmas-brain, there was a very heavy box sitting quietly in the corner. The box of grief that I put aside for now. As a Christian, I know that I will see my grandma again, so I need not cast a pall over the joy of the birth of Christ. But I am still human and it is still sad that Grandma isn't here anymore. It's time to open that box, and this blog post is part of that. In part 2, I'm going to talk about the woman I grew up with and some of the things I remember about her that I would like my readers to share in. Please read on when it's posted, I wouldn't want to leave you all sad. After all, this is about a wonderful woman and the Christmas season.

See you soon!