Well, here's a post I was not anticipating. At least not this soon.
I write this from my mothers couch in Nebraska. I'm not here for my bridal shower (that's next month), or to see my nieces and nephews (though I will be doing that), I am here because my grandmother, Dolores Friesen, passed away last Saturday, Feb 18th, 2023. Looks like she's getting special seating at my wedding with Grandpa Jerry. This post is a tribute to a woman whose life deserves to be remembered.
My grandma and grandpa were a well-matched pair, and had personalities that balanced beautifully. Grandpa was a bit more playful and lighthearted, grandma was more grounded and practical. They always seemed very glad to be together, even after many, many years.
Grandma was a very skilled homemaker, evident in all of the things she taught to my mother. My mom inherited skills in sewing, cooking, and household chores that I hope have been passed to me. Her quilts were lovely, and loved by those lucky enough to have them. The piano blanket she made for me still gets compliments when I give it to a guest as an extra blanket. I don't know where the talent for making bread started, but my ability as a gluten-whisperer definitely came from mom's side through grandma. Her butter horn recipe is still one of my favorites. Her home was nicely cared for and decorated, and when I was a child I always asked to see her many angel decorations.
One thing that I will always associate with my grandma is the ability to age gracefully. She wore her years well, never trying to cling to some former glory. She found things she enjoyed at every point in life. When it was time to give up the beloved lakeside cabin, she managed it in her pragmatic way. When it was tiem to move to a smaller house closer to my aunt, she moved without making a fuss. She found a community of people her age to socialize with, enjoyed her grandchildren and quickly-growing flock of great-grandchildren, and ran down the battery in her Kindle every day with an avid love of reading. After grandpa passed, she lived independently for years, finding contentment in her little house and little everyday joys.
Grandma had a sense of dignity that she kept until the very end of her life. She valued her independence and privacy very highly, so she lived in a way that preserved those things for her. She didn't drive when her vision declined, didn't go outside when the weather was bad, and didn't try to live like she was still 30. She wanted to be safe in her little house with her family, and so she was. She kept the house nice and clean and kept up her appearance as best she could for as long as she could.
On Wednesday, I got a text message that my grandmother was being put on hospice care. My grandpa was on hospice for months, but that is a rare thing. I wondered how many days would pass before I was flying to Nebraska once more. I let my fiancé, friends, and coworkers know and prayed that God would grant some peace as she passed. On Friday, I got another text message saying that she was in pain and would probably not last much longer. I felt something beyond just a desire to share in the sorrow pulling me back to my family. I knew I needed to be there, and that I would be very soon.
On Saturday as I shuffled out of bed and started stretching in my morning yoga, my heart ached in for my grandma and for the rest of my family. Yoga emphasizes emotional release as a healthy thing, much like how stretching releases tension in the body. Something released as tears slid down my cheeks, and I was glad that I practice at home where I don't have to explain why I'm crying in Warrior 2. I rolled up my mat and as my coffee was brewing, the message that I had awaited arrived.
Grandma was no longer hurting. She was in a place that made her earthly pain so small, with Grandpa, resting at Heaven's version of the cabin. I am honored to have had Dolores Friesen for 28 years of my life, and I will have memories of her forever.
I will not have a seating of the grandparents at my wedding, but they will all be there. On either side of the altar, You will see flowers. On one side, a rose for my dear brother Chet, and on the other, two roses for my grandparents, Gordon and Jewell Deichmann. On the guest book table, take a look at the carved wooden sleigh, it was made by Grandpa Jerry. In the sleigh, you will see one of my grandma Dolores' many special decorations. I need "something old" to wear, so I'm choosing a piece of Grandma Dolores' jewelry. They will all see my special day just as surely as if they were in person.
