This blog post is nothing deep, it's just a story about my life that I made interesting through narrating in my own head like a cartoon character.
It all started when I received a coupon in the mail. This was a coupon for $20 off of a $200 purchase at Kroger. I do all of the shopping for Alex and myself, as well as a portion of shopping for our friend who rents our spare room (he joins us for dinner most nights because it's easier to just make one meal for everyone). The weekly grocery shop has totaled over $200 more than once, especially if there are non-food items on the list. This should be a cinch. I prepared my list for Friday. I get quadruple fuel points on Fridays, which keeps my average fill-up to a total cost not seen since 2020. I had planned on attending a concert with a friend that evening, but if I could avoid dawdling in the aisles, I should have plenty of time.
When Friday finally dawned....I had already been awake for a while. I went in to work early because the schedule was a doozy. It would have been a medium amount of work normally, but my supervisor, the only other person who shares my duties, was on vacation, so it was all me. Fine. Then the doctor drops that she wants results an hour earlier than usual because she needs to leave. I tell her I make no promises, but I will do what I can. Then the patients had the audacity to arrive early, which would normally be great, but on this day that means I'm stuck trying to cram a full day of work into about five hours. It was all fine, I had great help, but I was grateful to leave and start my weekend.
I had my list, I had my reusable grocery bags, I rolled into the parking lot of Kroger with the air conditioner blasting (Texas in June is only slightly cooler than the devil's barbecue). I grabbed a grocery cart and began my mission. My objective: acquire $200 of groceries and get out in a reasonable amount of time.
My first stop: non-food items. Though not purchased as often, non-food goods like makeup and toiletries can add up fast. Unfortunately, the household was not short on any of those things. There is one thing, however, that will be quickly used and has a decent price tag: cat food. With two energetic, 10-month-old kittens in the house, an extra supply of cat food will not go to waste. I found the usual brand of kibble and was pleased to see that it was on special. If I buy 3 or more bags, each bag is $2 off. So three bags we into my cart, $15 each with the discount, $45 toward my goal.
I proceeded to the grocery section, acquired all of the items on my list, and looked in the cart. There is no way this is over $200. I opened my couponing app and made a second pass of the store, throwing in items that would keep for a while and were currently discounted. I looked in the cart once more. We're close, but I'm not sure it's over $200 yet. So I made one more pass of the store, roaming the aisles and throwing in anything with a sale tag that I knew I could use. A brick of cheddar cheese here, two boxes of pasta there, a few cans of chickpeas for good measure. I was finally satisfied with the look of my cart and turned toward the self-checkout, grabbing a pack of gum just in case. Honestly, I probably looked slightly crazed, so single-minded was my focus.
Before I began the process of scanning and bagging my loot, I took stock of items around the register just in case I came up short. I was relieved to see a small selection of gift cards that I could use as a safety item. I scanned my items and bagged them, watching the total slowly rise. My bags steadily filled with produce, dry goods, and frozen foods. When the total reached $160 and I still had items to go before my trump card cat food, I smiled like....someone way too involved in their grocery shopping. When I scanned the last bag of cat food, I saw that the total had reached the $260's. But there was one more potential obstacle. That total was before all of the sale prices and digital coupons were applied, and I had a LOT of sale items. I hit "Finish and Pay" and watched the total drop......to $226. I had won. I slapped my coupon on the scanner and saw my final total: $206.86. I tapped my card and received a receipt as long as my arm. At the bottom of the receipt was the total amount that sales and coupons had saved me.
I trotted into the scorching-hot parking lot with my booty and my tale of glory. I shared my tale with my best friend in a most dramatic fashion as we dined on chicken and fries before the concert. I thought that those who read my blog might get a laugh out of it. I'm not going on Extreme Couponing any time soon, but just like everyone else, I'm trying to live in a world of growing costs. If I can have a little fun with couponing and managing the spending of my household, so be it. I'm grateful for the jobs that Alex and I have and the blessing of a reasonable amount of financial security. That could all change in a second, so I'll enjoy what I have while I have it.
Thank you for reading possibly one of the silliest blog posts ever. Have a good day!
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