Part one was mostly about how my grandmother's final days affected me and my life. Well, enough about me, I'm here in Nebraska to honor the life of my grandma, so let's talk about her.
Grandma never really liked to talk about herself, so it feel a appropriate that I can share some memories from growing up visiting that farmhouse with her and grandma.
Now, my grandparents were not the only residents of that farm. Some of my earliest memories around my grandma were the cats that lived in the garage and barn. Grandma would put out cat food and table scraps for them and we grandkids would play with them, at least the ones that were tame enough to catch. There was one cat in particular, a tortiseshell we called Mama Kitty, that was always up in the garage ready to be petted and show of one of her many litters of kittens. Hunting down kittens and taming them was one of the ways that I, a talkative child, learned to be quiet and patient. To this day, I have a very gentle touch when handling things, especially animals. I think part of that is because Grandma taught me to not squeeze or be rough with the kittens if I wanted to hold them.
I loved doing craft projects with my grandma, and she always had some laying around for us to play with. We made gak, a gooey substance that is a bit like a thick slime (I always colored mine pink). We painted suncatchers and hung them in the windows. I made many a picture out of Perler beads or foinger paint. And sometimes I was content to just color with markers and watch cartoons. Grandma always loved my little projects and displayed them proudly. Her fridge, windows, and cupboards always had little art projects from her grandchildren.
That leads me to another memory of my grandma. She was always at as many concerts, events, and performances as she could make. I never really thought much of that as a child since she only lived a mile away from me, but she was more than willing to make the drive for my cousins as well because she wanted to be present in their lives. I don't really know if she had a favorite kind of event, from sports games to band concerts to speech showcase, because she always loved them all.
As my grandma got older, her top priority was making sure that my grandpa was taken care of. She had taken on the role of his wife, and she wore it well. As my grandpa's senses became dull with years of hard work and his mobility decreased, she did whatever it took to make sure his needs were met. Her children and grandchildren worried about how they were getting on and tried to help as much as possible, but let's just say my stubborn streak came from that side of the family. Grandma never wanted to accept help and other people were always her top priority.
When my grandpa passed, it was Grandma that pulled all of the grandchildren from the four corners of the country to her side. We all knew that we should be by her side and show her how much we loved her and we were willing to drop everything and come together as a family. Even after Grandpa's funeral, I was sitting next to her and my aunt came to give her a cup of water, and her first question after thanking my aunt was "Did you get something to eat?" always thinking of others before herself, that was just who Grandma was.
My last conversation with Grandma was short and not anything that you would see in a dramatic novel. I told her how much I loved her and how much I valued having her as family. She asked me about work and I showed her the beautiful sunny day in the window. I thanked her for the years of thing she had done for me and everyone else. One thing sticks in my mind. My aunt commented "Isn't she pretty?" (I had done a cute hairstyle that day and my lipstick matched my sweater) and my grandma agreed. "It runs in the family," I quipped. My grandma shook her head, she never knew how beautiful she was to all of us. She was so concerned with everyone else, she never saw her own beauty.
See? Runs in the family, look at that smile!
And just because she didn't see it, doesn't mean I can't show. it. I mentioned the pictures I took in my grandmother's wedding dress, and today as I went through some old photos, I found their wedding pictures. My beautiful grandma, on the day of her wedding, looking more glamorous than I ever saw her in my lifetime, taking a rare turn in the spotlight as the beautiful bride she was.
I have seen pictures of brides in this exact pose to this day. Faded as the photo is, that is pretty cool.
After the funeral, my dad called to tell me that I was inheriting the wedding dress. I was floored. Surely one of my aunts would want it, but they gave it to me. I love connecting with the world through clothing and fashion, so this is something that I have a special connection to. I may have professional photos taken in it, or do a photoshoot when I am planning my own wedding. I knw enough people who work with old materials to take proper care of it and see if I can give it as much of its former glory as I can. Then I would like to preserve it in a shadowbox or some form of display. That dress represents the beginning of a 60+ year marriage, it deserves better than to be hidden in an old cedar chest. I am so grateful for this gift and I will care for it well, of that I am determined.
When Grandpa died, we knew Grandma would not stay long before going to be with him. Their marriage was so much of their life, and Grandma was so dedicated to him, that once his work was done, hers was almost done as well. She passed on into a well-deserved eternal rest and had a better Christmas than I could imagine. I visited her resting place to place some flowers and say and in-person goodbye. The road is familiar, I know that cemetery all too well. My grandparents rest next to my brother, under the same color headstone, black granite.
I entered 2021 with 3 out of 4 grandparents living, and now I have but one. I know my grandparents are in a better place and no longer in aging, non-working bodies. But just because I can carry it well by the grace of God, doesn't make the weight of grief any less heavy today. Share in my remembrance as we move forward into the new year. I don't know what it will bring, and that's okay. It's not my job to figure that out, my job is to deal with what is before me today.
Thank you for sharing in my story. Happy New Year
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